


It Started as a Joke

by ContraryIzybel



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, Asexual Character, Background Relationships, M/M, Marriage, Multi, Polyamory, no sequel spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-16 13:24:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14165775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ContraryIzybel/pseuds/ContraryIzybel
Summary: So much of Newton Geiszler's life was like the set up to a bad joke. He could even imagine it now, two drunk scientists ask if someone can officiate their wedding, right now, and a Jaeger pilot just happens to oblige. A real knee slapper. The problem is he doesn't know the punchline yet.





	1. The Set Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like most of my writing, this is dedicated to Xenjn. Fuck you, you wonderful monster.

To an outside observer, everything in Newton Geiszler’s life was something of a joke. From the moment his mother dropped him off with his father before returning to her husband, and assumedly until the moment of his death, it all seemed like a joke. When monster emerged from the ocean and his immediate reaction was amazement instead of horror, it seemed like the set up for a joke. When he fell in love with another scientist through their exchanged letters only to hate him upon actually meeting the esteemed Dr. Hermann Gottlieb, it seemed like the set up for a joke. When he was assigned the same Shatterdome and even the same lab as said Dr. Hermann Gottlieb, it seemed like the set up for a joke. 

But Newt was used to things starting out like a joke, which is probably why he actually ended up following through with it when his drunk mouth got ahead of him and called Hermann beautiful. 

“What did you say?” Hermann slurred, blushing in embarrassment. Or perhaps the power of alcohol finally overcame his stuffy reserved nature. Around them their Shatterdome was alive with excitement, celebrating the fall of another Kaiju off the Alaskan sea. When the announcement that Yamarashi had been defeated without losing a Jaeger their whole operation jumped at the chance to celebrate. 

The mechanics had dug out their supply of moonshine, the scientists brought out their own supply of whiskey that had been hidden behind books, and even the pilots had produced vodka from somewhere. So while Hermann wasn’t alone in his inebriation, he was certainly the one wearing it the cutest. 

Not, of course, that Newt could ever tell him that. “We should get married!” He yelled instead, loud enough that the crowd around them burst into cheers and laughter. 

Yes, a much better idea than telling someone they’re cute. 

But the idea, the joke of an idea, took root in his mind. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s a totally good idea. You’re already the beneficiary on my life insurance.” 

“Surely you’re joking.” Hermann huffed, raising his cane in a distinctly threatening gesture. “You’re a scientist, not some bloody pilot. If you die during this war I’ll surely die as well and what good would my being your beneficiary even be?” 

“Wait, I’m not your beneficiary?” 

“Of course not! I have three siblings!” 

Newt crossed his eyes trying to remember if he knew that and was pleased to discover he did. Though he also remembered that Hermann hated his siblings. “You hate them.” 

Hermann waved him off, almost sloshing some of the vodka he’d been nursing for the last twenty minutes. “Of course I do. That’s why I left it all to my first college roommate. She promised to rub it in their faces at my funeral.” 

“I can rub it in their faces!” An unfamiliar flash of jealousy overcame Newt at the mere thought of some random roommate. Someone who probably hadn’t even seen Hermann in the last couple of years, never mind worked with him. Someone who didn’t know all his best qualities, like how he always made a new pot of coffee just before Newt came in for the morning, or how he could tell when Newt had a headache and would be careful to keep his mutterings and murmurings to himself until Newt’s pain medicine kicked in. No, this roommate, whoever she was, simply wouldn’t do. “If I’m married to you I can cause a scene at your funeral. Wailing and moaning and throwing myself on your coffin.” 

Hermann took a long minute to sip his vodka and Newt almost glowed when he realized he was considering it. “That would be quite the scene.” 

“So let’s do it!” He whipped his head around, grinning when he caught sight of their commanding officer chatting with some of the pilots. “Marshall Kwan! Marshall Kwan!” 

She looked up, rolling her eyes when she realized who was calling for her. “I will not take sides in another one of your little arguments gentlemen.” 

“No, no, no, you’re a Marshall right? And that’s kind of like being a ship captain, right?” 

“No, Dr. Geiszler, those are very different things.” 

“Okay, but you do have legal authority to officiate a marriage, right?” 

The pilots all burst into laughter, even the Hansen brothers who’d just joined their operation and hadn’t meet Newt yet. Even the Marshall had a laugh, before waving them both off. 

“Do whatever you want but keep me out of it.” She joked, allowing Scott Hansen to lead her away and into the waiting crowd of mechanics. But Herc Hansen lingered behind, knocking back his glass with a sharp grin. 

“I can do that.” 

Hermann squinted at him and Newt realized he had downed the rest of his vodka while he’d been talking to the Marshall. “Do what, exactly?” 

“Officiate. I’m ordained.” He reached into his pocket, digging a small plastic card out from his wallet that confirmed he was a member of the Australian Marriage Ministry. “Got it back in basic on a whim. Thought it’d be good for a laugh.” 

“There’s nothing funny about this.” Newt said, managing a straight face for all of five seconds before breaking into riotous laughter. “No, actually this is hilarious.” 

“All in bad taste, really.” Hermann muttered, stopping when Newt grasped his face with both hands and held it still. 

“Hermann, buddy, love of my life, my most beautiful and wonderful and sometimes kind of stupid science buddy, my anal retentive, stick in the mud, annoying and narrow minded, and kind of hot…” 

Hermann tried to pull away, bopping Newt on the forehead with his cane in the attempt. “Really, Newton, surely even drunk you can complete a sentence.” 

“Will you marry me?” 

He stopped his struggles and almost seemed to sag in Newt’s hand which still cradled his face. For a moment they stood together, alone in the crowd of hundreds. Newt knew he could feel his heatbeat through his palms, swore he could feel Hermann’s beating in time. In that moment they were sharing the same air and the same uncertainty. And in that moment the joke turned into something else. 

“I supposed I must.” Hermann said, sounding anything but defeated. 

Herc cleared his throat, having apparently looked away during their moment. A real gentleman like that. “So that’s a yes? Cause I need to get back to Scott sooner than later. Don’t trust him not to try hitting on Nova Hyperion’s pilots.” 

“Aren’t Yuna and So-Yi married?” Hermann asked, turning his head to look at Herc but otherwise letting Newt continue to hold onto him. 

“Struggling to get engaged last I heard. Apparently they’ve got a bet going over some training score and the winner gets to propose.” Herc considered his empty glass with a long sigh. “Idiot thinks that means they’re not exclusive yet. Not sure how he came to that conclusion but I’m in no mood to patch him up after those two kick his ass. Again.” 

Despite his words he lingered, staring at his empty glass as though in mourning. Luckily, despite his oblivion to most things, Newt could read that hint. He tipped the rest of his own drink (A homemade version of a jaeger bomb that was probably illegal in most countries) into Herc’s empty glass. It was the least he could do considering the man was about to perform his marriage. 

The thought hit him like a brick and he looked back at Hermann to make sure the same thought hadn’t hit him yet. But he was still allowing Newt to coddle him, even allowed him to drape an arm over his shoulder. 

It really was now or never. 

“Cheers mate.” Herc said, drinking half his new beverage in a single swig. Even he winced at the bite. “Do you, Dr. Makes a mean drink, take him…The other scientist?” 

Newt grinned, tightening his grip on Hermann’s shoulder unconsciously. “I, Dr. Newton Geiszler, take him, or sorry, take you, Dr. Hermann Gottlieb, to be my husband.” 

“I suppose that means I, Dr. Hermann Gottlieb, take you, Newt, to be my husband.” He said in almost a whisper. 

“Then by the powers vested in me by Sidney, or the Defense Corps, or God, or whatever I pronounce you married. Mazel tov.” 

And with one more swig of Newt’s concoction Herc was gone, trailing after the other pilots and disappearing into the crowd. 

Not that either of them noticed. Not when Hermann was staring at Newt’s eyes, not even caught up in the desire to clean his smudged glasses. Not when Newt was basking in the pinkness of Hermann’s cheeks and wondering if it was alcohol coloring them or if he had caused their color. And around them the Shatterdome celebrated the defeat of another Kaiju, while they celebrated their hasty marriage. 

And when Hermann darted forward, kissing Newt just to the right of his lips, Newt couldn’t help but think it certainly seemed like the start of a very good joke. 

\--

Life went on, even in the Hong Kong Shatterdome. There was still the imminent threat of another attack, still pilots the needed training, still Jaegers that needed repairs and upgrades. So life continued and the Shatterdome forgot about those two scientists and their drunken shenanigans. 

Oh, they didn’t forget about the scientists themselves. Not when they still argued in every hallway, not when their disagreements turned into fights and the Marshall had to drag them apart like naughty children. But it was all background noise in the Shatterdome. 

But apparently not everyone forgot. According to the envelope taped to the door of their shared lab someone remembered that night. 

Newt was the first to find it, since he had actually stormed off earlier after a disagreement with Hermann over the proper safety procedures required for dissecting a Kaiju lung. It was always the same with him. Always “wear a mask, Newton” and “where are your gloves, Newton.” Never a “aren’t you noble and brave and oh so clever.” 

It was almost like Hermann didn’t appreciate all his genius. 

So once again Newt had stormed off. He was tempted to go to one of the observation towers but he was out of cigarettes and couldn’t afford to buy one off one of the guards. Ayo might loan him one but she had crazy high interest rates. And besides, Hermann was sensitive to smell and would probably have a seizure if he came back reeking of smoke. 

So instead he went to the cafeteria, sweet talking one of the cafeteria workers into giving him an extra piece of chocolate cake because he totally needed it. Sure, it was the smallest piece of cake he’d ever seen, but it was the thought that counted. 

And because he was better than Hermann, and not because Hermann was notorious for forgetting his lunch, Newt gathered up a tray for him. Obviously Newt was just too nice of a guy. Not that he was someone with ulterior motives. 

But yes, also because if Hermann was eating he’d be more likely to ignore Newt and his Kaiju experiments. 

Therefore it was Newt who found the envelope taped to their door. It didn’t have any name on it, no indication of where it came from or what was in the envelope. Mysterious really. And Newt loved mystery. 

He ended up grabbing the envelope in his mouth, since his hands were full, and he stumbled into the lab with a lot more noise than he originally intended. Sure enough Hermann was quick to whip around and glare at him.

“Back already?” He huffed, startling when Newt dropping the tray on his immaculate desk. “Oh, what time is it?” 

“Way past dinner, buddy.” Newt said as he pulled the envelope out of his mouth and deposited his own food on his less immaculate desk. 

He flopped into his desk chair, ripping into the envelope without much care. Whatever it was, there was a lot of it. A stack of paper, really. He tried to ignore the slight shaking of his fingers, still trying to play cool incase Hermann happened to look over. But it was only a glance to confirm what sort of professional document had been left for them. 

**Marriage Certificate**

Ah, very professional then. 

He flipped through the pages of forms, realizing with a cold dread that it was a real Australian marriage certificate. One that Herc Hansen had already signed. How he’d gotten his hands on it Newt was almost afraid to ask, but it was there, real and heavy in his hands. 

Across the room he can feel Hermann’s eyes on him, but he can’t even manage a fake grin. Instead he moved to his desk, throwing the papers on another pile that was threatening to fall, and puts his attention into a report one of the scientists in Alaska sent him. He could feel Hermann looking away too and it gripped his stomach in a strange way. But for a few hours he could pretend, he could forget, and just focus on his actual job. 

Eventually Hermann stood, stretching with a loud groan, and the sound pulled Newt out of his own thoughts. His watch said that it was late, though he didn’t have much faith in that watch. He was pretty sure he had lost track of the actual time between moving from Germany, to America, and then to Hong Kong. But then again he was pretty sure time was a construct, and a dumb one at that, so what did it matter? 

“Hey, buddy.” Newt called, wincing at the endearment. “Um…you remember after Yamarashi died, the party right?” 

Hermann’s face turned pink and he sputtered long enough for Newt to enjoy the view, but ultimately he nodded. “I remember as much of it as one can, given the amount of alcohol involved.” 

“Cool, cool. Herc…He sent us this.” 

He flashed the paper at Hermann, knowing the moment he realized what they are. And for a minute they were silent, Hermann caught up in his own thoughts while Newt’s mind was strangely empty. All Newt could think about was the way Hermann chewed his lip when he was thinking. 

A real joke. 

“Hey, buddy, it’s all good. Herc signed it but like, until we both sign it it’s not a real thing I guess.” He laughed, knowing it sounded forced, but still he laughed , dropping the papers onto Hermann’s desk. “Don’t worry about it. C’mon, let’s get you some fresh air.” 

“Fresh air. More like salty air. There’s nothing fresh next to the ocean.” Hermann huffed, allowing himself to be lead away from the lab and the paper full of questions. 

And really Newt does forget about it. There’s too much to do to linger on that. There’s dissecting, and studying, and arguing with Hermann, and arguing with people who aren’t Hermann, but mostly arguing with Hermann. There’s hanging out with the pilots because some day he’s going to get one to steal him some parts for his research. There’s playing poker with the mechanic who doubles as his tattoo artist. There’s so much to do that he honestly forgets about the paper with their names on it until it appears on his keyboard on morning. 

And there, over Hermann’s full name, is a shaky signature. 

It’s beautiful. 

He doesn’t hesitant, is so excited he uses the first pen he can grab which just happens to be bright blue. He’s pretty sure he even spelt his name wrong in his hurry, but his handwriting’s so bad no one will notice. And under Hermann’s watchful gaze he returned the signed paper to its envelope. 

He’ll send it to Herc over lunch. 

And like that, he was a married man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back in the game! Only took Uprising to drag me back into writing. Just a word of warning, this will eventually become a poly story but not until the last chapter (if I've planned the story line to chapter right). Also this will not include any Uprising spoilers (expect Jake existing) because it'll only take place over a few months after the first movie.


	2. A Married Man

The thing of it is Newt didn’t even realize it was the set up to a joke until it was all said and done. He didn’t notice the set up when Marshall Pentacost gave him a strange card and stranger instructions. He didn’t notice the set up when he was surrounded by a literal playground of Kaiju bits and pieces. He didn’t even notice the set up when that asshole Hannibal Chau shoved a knife up his nose. 

But standing in front of a dead Kaiju fetus with a golden shoe in his hand, Newt finally recognized the set up to a very bad joke. 

Of course before he could dwell on it Hermann was there, ready to dive into the unknown because Newt had a hunch and Hermann didn’t trust him to go alone. There was no time to worry about scary but cool gangsters and super cool shoes and terrifying but cool monsters that made his life flash before his eyes. There was only reckless science and the feel of Hermann holding his hand and jumping into his brain. 

And then them.

Monsters from another world who built monsters. Creatures that wanted to destroy his world and his people and his husband. 

Fuck those guys. 

So together they stole what they could, they grabbed up all the information they could possibly find from those cold and tortured memories, and they came back together. 

“The plan won’t work.” 

And by some miracle mere hours later they had won. They (and arguably many other people) had saved the world. 

The party was wild, people crying and breaking into wine and champagne they’d been hiding for years. People were calling family all over the world, reaffirming their love and their plans and dreams now that they knew there was a chance for a future. And in the middle of it Newt just sat on a cafeteria table, watching Herc who hadn’t let go of his dog since the breach closed. 

Mako had talked to him a little, sharing a long hug before joining Newt on his table. Together they watched Herc and between their joy they worried and they grieved. 

“Your dad was a good man.” He finally said, tipping back the tiny bottle of Moscato he’d had ferreted away at the bottom of his desk for the last three years. There were about nine more tiny bottles, all different varieties and all empty, littered around his feet. Someone had given Mako a jar of pickles, a strange kind of condolence, but she seemed to appreciate it. 

“He was a very good man.” She agreed. Across the room Raleigh looked up from where he was talking with Tendo, like he could sense that she was hurting. Maybe he could. Newt could swear he was getting Hermann’s headache, a phantom of pain that wasn't his own. Was that normal? Was that how the drift normally worked? “I already told Jake. He’ll be here soon.” 

“They’re letting him come here after the whole…ya know, everything that happened?” 

She shrugged, crunching into one of the pickles. “I don’t think they’re in any position to deny me my brother.” 

Newt grinned, because she wasn’t kidding. He’d like to see the person that stood between Mako and her family. “It’s good that he’s coming. Really, it’s great. Is Lambert still around, I’d love to see his face when he sees him again.” 

That got a laugh, a half aborted sound like she wasn’t sure if she was allowed it. “I haven’t told him. It will be a surprise.” 

“You’re devious.” Newt said in awe, leaning his head on her shoulder. “I love it.” 

“Dr. Gottlieb looks like he’s about to fall asleep on his feet.”

He cracked one blood shot eye open and searched for his scientist in the crowd. Sure enough Hermann was nodding off, looking like he’d fall over any second. As much as he’d like to stay with his head on Mako’s shoulder, an inverse of the time before when that brave little girl first arrived in their Shatterdome, as much as he’d like that his husband needed him. 

“That’s my cue. I want that second brain we drifted with, don’t let any of the scrappers get their hands on it.” 

She saluted him with half a pickle, her smile faltering. But like he was called Raleigh appeared, ready to support her if she needed him. 

Newt liked that dude. 

It was easy to pull Hermann into his arms, batting away well wishes with a wide grin while navigating the tired scientist back to his room. Somehow, despite having access to the paperwork that listed them as married, Marshall Pentacost had given them two rooms right next to each other but still separated by a wall. At first he’d been offended and even grumbled about it a little to Herc, who had just laughed long and hard until Chuck smirked like he was the one with four PHDs and Newt was the meat head. 

“You really think you and Gottlieb can live together without trying to kill each other? Separate rooms are a gift, if not for you blokes then for us.” 

Yeah, Chuck was a good kid. Stubborn, but good. 

Hermann turned, resting his forehead against Newt’s cheek. “I’m going to miss him too. You know he once asked me to teach him how to count cards.” 

Of course Hermann knew what he was thinking. It wasn’t even a leftover of drifting, of that moment where he was Hermann and Hermann was him. No, it was years upon years living together. Years of Hermann watching him float around the cafeteria and the break rooms like a social butterfly and knowing how much it hurt that those spaces were a little less crowded now. 

“You know how to count cards?” 

“Of course, it’s simple math.” Hermann huffed, blushing as Newt planted a wet kiss on his forehead. “Really now, must you do that?” 

“You know I have to.” He laughed. 

And then they stopped, in between their two doors. It wasn’t like they hadn’t shared a room before. It wasn’t even like they hadn’t shared a bed before on those nights where they worked until the sun rose. But now, in the fragile moment before really digging into what happened back in the broken heart of Hong Kong, now it felt a little too intimate. 

But Hermann’s body gave out before his mind could, stumbling forward and further into Newt’s arms. “C’mon buddy, time for bed.” 

And without thinking he let himself into Hermann’s room. He could feel him relax and realized he’d been afraid Newt would choose his own room. 

“It’s not that messy.” He said with mock irritation, even as he lowered Hermann onto the bed. 

“Perhaps we should have gone there then.” Hermann said. He reached out, stroking some dried gunk off Newt’s forehead. “Then I’d have an excuse to burn that filthy mattress in the morning.” 

Without thinking Newt surged forward, pressing his lips against Hermann’s. He wasn’t kissing him, so much as touching him. Proving to himself that he really was here, that they were here, that they made it through the war. Under him Hermann relaxed and their touching turned into kissing, soft and reassuring and gentle. 

They were okay. 

As his hand cupped his chin Hermann sighed, “We can…if you’d want to, I mean you’d certainly have earned it…” 

“Earned…what, sleeping here?” 

Hermann shook his head and with a hesitant hand undid the top button of his shirt. The effect was ruined by his sweater vest. God, his husband had saved the world in a sweater vest and that was the greatest thing in the world. He really was head over heels for this nerd. 

“Hey, buddy, friend, husband, drift partner-” 

“I’ve asked you to not call me any of those.” Hermann huffed, slapping away the hand that was trying to stop his. 

“Hermann.” He said, firm and strong. “Do you want to fuck me tonight?” 

He paused. All his bravo gone in the face of that straight forward question. Newt could see his hand shake, knew it wasn’t from the adrenaline crash. He could feel his heart through their connected hands. And in a moment he could remember everything from the drift. Could remember Hermann’s disgust when his first girlfriend touched his chest, could remember Hermann’s embarrassment when his older sisters tried to give him “the talk,” could remember that empty feeling like something was wrong, something had to be wrong with him because no one else thought like this and if no one would love him when he was broken then he wouldn’t bother loving any one either-

“Newt!” 

He pulled back, his hands flying up to his face where tears were streaming down his cheeks. And in front of him Hermann’s face was covered in tears too. 

“I love you.” Newt said. “I…I knew before we drifted. You weren’t really subtle about it. But that doesn’t matter to me. What I saw in the drift, what you thought about yourself, that’s not true. I can love you without sex.” 

“You say that now, but someday you’ll find someone like you. Someone who’ll appreciate all of you.” 

Newt sighed as he toed off his shoes, helping take Hermann’s off as soon as he finished. And even if it sent mixed signals he didn’t care. They were both exhausted and Newt planned on falling asleep the second they finished their talk. 

Besides, they’d been in each other’s brain. Hermann probably knew exactly what he was doing. 

“Maybe I will. Maybe I’ll find someone who wants to fuck me. And maybe I’ll even want to fuck them. And they’d better hope they get along with you because otherwise they’re not getting to first base.” He tugged at Hermann’s sweat vest, enjoying the few seconds when it got stuck around Hermann’s head. “Look, if some day you want to try it, we can. But until then that doesn’t change how I feel about you. That cool?” 

“I love you too, Newt.” He said, and it was like a punch to Newt’s gut. Maybe he’d seen it in the drift but hearing it, really hearing it after years of treating their relationship as a pleasant social experiment, it was all he ever wanted. “If you do find someone, I hope you’ll give them a chance. You really do have so much love to give. But for now, for today, can we just sleep?” 

“Anything you want, babe. After all, you just saved the world.” 

Hermann chuckled, even as they crawling into the too small bed and wrapped around one another with ease. “I believe we saved the world.” 

“Yeah, we did.” Newt said into Hermann’s hair. “Well, I did. You helped.” 

Luckily Hermann had already passed out, otherwise he’d have had words for his husband. 

\--

It took months for the world to establish a new normal. And even that was a tentative normal. The normal where people cautiously returned to the coast, and began to pick up the pieces and look at what was left to build off of. It was the normal where a handful of mostly broken Jaegers stood in the background of the world, a symbol of hope and of mourning. Nova Hyperion, Solar Prophet and Vulcan Specter had been quickly resorted after that final battle, barely able to move but still capable of standing as honor guard during memorials. They stood on the deck of the Shatterdome, partially as a reminder for the world but mostly because none of the remaining pilots could bring themselves to return to them after the memorials for their fallen family. 

For Hermann and Newt the new normal was mostly information gathering. The Defense Corps had brought them whatever pieces of Kaiju they could manage to collect before the scavengers got to them so Newt had plenty to keep busy with. Even Hermann had his calculations, trying to confirm for the world that the breach was closed for good. They fell into an almost domestic rhythm of work, eating, arguing, kissing and sleeping. 

But like the rest of the world there was still that dread in the back of their minds. Like it wasn’t quite over, like they hadn’t quite won. Tendo said it was like the world had PTSD and didn’t know how to handle it besides throwing themselves into rebuilding the world. 

Well that and repopulating it. 

It didn’t take long for the maternity leave requests to start pouring in from the staff and even Herc had been talked into performing a few marriages for couples that had put it off until they knew the world was safe. The Shatterdome had even hosted a wedding; An Yuna and Pang So-Yi exchanging their vows under their old Jaeger’s watchful eye. Yuna looked resplendent in her gown and Mako had even attached a garden’s worth of flowers to her wheelchair. And So-Yi, with her full military dress and a flower behind one ear, had cried through the whole ceremony. 

Not that Newt could judge. He’d started crying the moment he saw them and didn’t stop until the helicopter took them to their honeymoon inland. 

“You think you’ll do that?” He asked Mako as they sat on the edge of the flight deck, just far enough from the still raging party that they could hear each other. The Shatterdome really did take any excuse to celebrate, though the parties were getting smaller and smaller. People taking jobs in the private sector, or retiring all together. Every day it seemed like he was saying goodbye to people he’d live with for years. 

Mako glanced back at the party, shrugging just so. “Get married? Maybe someday. We aren’t technically dating.” 

“I’m pretty sure saving the world is at least second base.” 

He got a light shove for the joke but she did grin so he counted it as a win. “Raleigh wants to move back to Anchorage.” 

“Oh.” Something in his stomach tightened at that. “And…I assume you’re going with him?” 

She shrugged. “Maybe, for a little while. But it might be nice to take a little time off. He wants a farm.” 

“Can you…can you farm in Alaska?” 

“That’s what I asked!” She grinned, leaning over to rest her head on his shoulder. “The Shatterdome is my home. It doesn’t matter which one, they’ve all been my home since I was little. But Anchorage is Raleigh’s home and I want to see it.” 

“I don’t know where home is anymore. I barely remember Germany. MIT’s already asked me to join on as a professor but I don’t know if I want to go back.” He sighed, watching the waves crash against the walls of their shared home. Across the bay Hong Kong was lighting up as the sun began to set. He could see the neon glowing shining against the darkening sky. “What is home anyway?” 

Mako shrugged. “I guess now we have to find out.” 

Someone made a joke because laughter erupted behind them and Newt decided that exact moment, with people laughing behind him, his friend by his side, and his husband somewhere behind him, this moment was as close to home as he was getting. 

And he was okay with that. 

Eventually Mako left to find Raleigh. Usually they’d do that, if they were apart for too long. Not checking in on one another so much as confirming that the other was still there. But Newt stayed, legs dangling dangerously over the sea, salt in the air and specs of water forming on his glasses. 

He wasn’t surprised when Hermann joined him. Pleased, but not surprised. He was a little shocked that Hermann bothered to sit down beside him, trusting him to pull him back from the edge should his leg not cooperate. 

“Hey babe, no one joining you for a scrabble tournament?” 

Hermann huffed in that endearing way he did. “You’re simply mad I won’t play with you. It’s because you cheat.” 

“Just because I know more languages than you-“ 

“Klingon is not a valid language in the game of scrabble and you know it.” Hermann hissed. His face had started to flush from the cold and his irritation and Newt couldn’t help but lean over and kiss him. At the very least it stopped the argument. For now. Newt was convinced Hermann had a mental rolodex for their arguments and could pull an old one up at a moment’s notice.

He loved it. 

“Nice wedding, don’t you think?” 

“Oh, yes, it was very lovely. I’m surprised Yuna and So-Yi waited so long, especially after their last mission. But…it was lovely.” 

Newt shrugged. “We can’t all get married on a whim.” 

“Hmph, I suppose that’s your excuse for never remembering the date.” 

“October 17th?” Newt asked with a grin, enjoying Hermann’s startled expression. “Of course I remember. Mako makes us anniversary cards every year.” 

“Cards which you’ve apparently never shown me.” He said, his voice rising in irritation. 

“I hang them up in the lab, how do you not notice that?” 

Hermann huffed again, that little breath of irritation and Newt basked in the sound. “Relying on Ms. Mori to keep track of the date, I should have known.” 

Newt laughed, rolling up his sleeve and waving the tattoo of Yamarashi in front of Hermann. He knew it was too close for him to see the detail, so he held as still as he was capable of, waiting for Hermann to squint and find the tiny text under the likeness of Yamarashi. 

“Oct. 17 2017. H&N.” Hermann sighed. “Oh, you ridiculous man.” 

“I’m going to add a little heart next to it one of these days.” 

They sat in silence for a while after, the background noise of their friends and the lights of the city almost lulling Hermann to sleep. And while they sat there Newt amended his earlier thought. This moment, this was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, look at me projecting on Hermann like a motherfucker. Sorry, not sorry. Get excited for next chapter's special guest, Hannibal Chau's shoe! And I guess the rest of him will be there.


	3. The Punchline

It was amazing that it only took another 48 hours after that perfect moment of peace for the universe to set up another joke at Newt’s expense. Honestly he was almost impressed. Because two days after the wedding he found a woman in his lab. A bald, scary, and possibly angry woman. Mako was with her though, so he probably wasn’t going to be murdered. 

Probably. 

“Ah, Newt. This is Ms…Fang.” 

The woman nodded, saying something quickly in Cantonese that he didn’t catch. 

“Oh. Just Fang. Okay.” Mako said, obviously unsure if she was translating that right if the wrinkle of her nose was any indication. “She’s here on behalf of Hannibal Chau. She says you have his shoe?” 

Newt paled. Because of course he’d taken Hannibal’s shoe after the fight. Of course he had, it was a work of art and the last piece of one of the coolest guys he’d ever meet. True, that was a guy who had shoved a knife up his nose and left him to possibly die in a public shelter, and then again when a Kaiju fetus made a mad dash through the ruins of Hong Kong, but otherwise he was a pretty cool guy. 

The problem was after taking the shoe he wasn’t completely sure where it had ended up. 

“Yeah, cool, good. I can find that. I totally know where I put it.” 

Mako raised an eyebrow, silently calling him out. 

“It might take me a minute to find it. Hang on.” 

He didn’t bother to see how that translated, instead all but leaping at his desk. He threw aside papers he needed to review, books he’d been meaning to read, and a few framed pictures he’d never gotten around to putting out on the desk properly. And there, in the very bottom drawer, he managed to find the shoe. It still had dried Kaiju blood on the tip, which he tried to wipe off with the bottom of his shirt before handing it over. 

“Wait, how did you know it was here?” 

Mako translated, eyes widening at the response. “Hannibal couldn’t find it after they harvested the Kaiju fetus and just assumed it was you.”

“Wait…Hannibal’s alive? I thought he was eaten!” 

The woman apparently didn’t need that bit translated as she was already responding. For a few minutes she and Mako talked, completely ignoring Newt and his many, many questions. 

“Fascinating.” Mako finally said in English. She only then seemed to notice Newt. “He cut his way out.” 

Newt frowned, knowing they’d been talking about way more than that. But then the bald woman glared at him and he didn’t really need to prolong her being in his lab. So the slightest bit of reluctance he handed over the shoe. A quick bow and she was off, like she knew how to get out of the Shatterdome without an escort. 

“So she’s cool to just wander around this government facility?” He asked. 

Mako shrugged. “Fang was one of the engineers for Crimson Typhoon before she went to work for Hannibal. I think that’s how my father met him.” 

“Have you met him?” 

“Once. He’s an interesting man.” 

Newt thought about him, hulking tall and ostentatious in his dress and his behavior. “Yeah, interesting is a word for it.” 

\--

If walking into his lab to find one of Hannibal Chau’s associate was strange, then walking into his lab to find Hannibal Chau, known criminal and style icon, having a civil conversation with Dr. Hermann Gottlieb, neurotic scientist and chronic haver of a stick up the butt, was on par with meeting Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster while having a stroll through the woods. It was weird, impossible, and the greatest thing he’d ever seen all in one. 

They were even sitting at Hermann’s desk sharing a pot of coffee like grumpy old friends, and when Newt realized Hannibal was offering to refill Hermann’s chipped cup he decided he needed to pinch himself because this was certainly a dream. 

But then Hermann looked up with his “I’m not amused at the situation you’ve put us in” look and things felt a little more real. “Newton, this man says he would like to talk to you about Kaiju parts. Are you involved with illegal dealings?” 

“No, I, what? No. No.” He looked between his husband and the man who until a few days ago he thought had died. “Definitely, probably not. Hannibal, buddy, good to see you. Didn’t realize you were still…kicking.” 

Hannibal chuckled, that deep sounding chuckle that he had done back before they were running for their lives from an under formed Kaiju fetus. And just like then it sent a shiver down his spine. “Heard you saved the world. Good work, kid.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Well, Hermann helped.” He ignored Hermann’s indignant huff. “And the kaiju brain helped so you also…you know, helped.” 

Hannibal grinned like a shark and behind him Hermann sighed like Newt had just done something very stupid. 

“Suppose you’d be willing to repay the favor then, considering how I helped you and the human race.” 

Ah, he had done something stupid. 

“With what?” 

Hannibal shrugged, knocking back the rest of his coffee and standing all in one smooth motion. Newt decided if he ever tried that he would trip on his own feet. “C’mon. I’ve got some ideas that need an expert eye, and they tell me you’re the Kaiju expert around here.” 

“I can’t just wander off base with you for some probably illegal side project!” 

“Actually you can. It’s amazing what you can do when you don’t ask for permission.” 

“And it’s amazing what you can do when you do ask permission.” Hermann said. His tone implied he was referencing an earlier conversation and Hannibal even nodded like he was agreeing. 

What the hell had Newt missed? 

But he allowed himself to be lead out of the lab, deciding if Hermann didn’t throw his cane at the back of his head it wasn’t that dangerous. And sneaking around the Shatterdome with one of the world’s most powerful gangsters was kind of fun, like playing a game of spy but knowing that if your mom caught you it’d be a week’s grounding. Not that Mako Mori was his mom. 

No, that was probably Herc. 

Still, they escaped from the Shatterdome unnoticed and rendezvoused with the nicest car Newt had seen since the war began. Whatever paint they had used shifted from black to purple in the light, and inside it was all leather and twinkling lights. 

“I’m a little in love with your car.” 

Hannibal laughed. “Yeah, she’s alright.” 

He didn’t have to say anything to prompt the driver, because as soon as they were situated they were off, cruising through the back roads that the Defense Corps used to get to the city. As they drove Hannibal poured two glasses of amber whiskey, holding both in one hand with ease. Of course that was easy with paws like that. Newt jerked his eyes away, not wanting to linger longer than necessary on thoughts about Hannibal Chau and his big hands. 

“I want to thank you for saving the world. Nothing boosts prices like exclusivity.” He took a sip of the whiskey and paused for so long Newt thought he may have been done talking entirely. “The problem with exclusivity is eventually it leads to the product’s extinction. So, before we run out entirely, I was thinking maybe we invest in some…experiments.” 

“Experiments?” Newt asked. “Like what kind?” 

“Cloning. I’ve read your work. Can’t understand half of it, but I know enough to know if anyone can figure out how to reproduce what I need it’d be you.” 

Cloning? Could he even do that? Could he possible recreate something from another world on this one?

They didn’t speak for the rest of the drive, Newt’s mind in over drive as he tried to work through what he was being asked. His fingers tapped against his knee rapidly and the other leg jittered with excited energy. Sure, he could do that. No problem. Those fuckers on the other side did it all the time so what was making one more Kaiju? Or more? He could do whatever he wanted once he perfected the technology. 

“I could make dog sized Kaiju.” He said out loud, earning a startled laugh from Hannibal. 

“Twenty minutes in your own head and that’s what you come up with?” He asked, though he was still grinning. 

“Sure, sure, once you figure out how to do it you can manipulate the variables however you want. We’ve been doing it forever with dogs and cats. Now I’m just going to do it with Kaiju.” He paused, suddenly horrified with his own thoughts. “But I won’t. We just stopped them, I can’t make more.” 

“Slow down kid, I wasn’t asking for another invasion. I just want the tissue and bone. The bits that can be sold.” 

Newt shook his head. “It doesn’t matter what you want. If I make this technology anyone could use it. Someone could custom make another Yamarashi, or Leatherback, or, or even that last fucker. The real big one.” 

Hannibal nodded. “That’s why I don’t want the technology.” 

“But you just said-“ 

“I want you to have the technology. After that you can do whatever you want with it, though ideally you’ll be letting me sell the organs and bone you create. I don’t want to know how you did it, I don’t want you to even write it down.” 

Newt’s heart thundered in his chest. “What are you saying?” 

“I trust you to not turn into some world ending bastard. So I’ll finance you, and when it’s said and done I’m going to trust that you’ll give me the pieces to sell.” 

He laughed, his heart still beating rapidly but starting to slow down so it didn’t feel like he was in the middle of a heart attack. “And what if I do turn into a world ending bastard?” 

Hannibal shrugged. “I’ll whoop your ass.” 

Yeah, he probably would. 

“I’ll…I’ll think about it.” 

“Good.” 

And like that the car pulled to a stop and the driver hurried to their door. They were in front of a nondescript building that had managed to survive the war intact. Without prompting Newt followed Hannibal, letting him do the talking to the young man at the door. They traveled through an unnecessarily dark hallway and Newt found himself in the nicest restaurant he’d ever been in. The whole room was built with dark wood and painted with red and gold. There was even a small river through the middle of the floor with fat koi fish swimming lazily. 

A scowling older woman yelled at Hannibal in Cantonese as soon as they entered, though she allowed him to kiss her cheek so they must have been on good terms. She led them to a private room in the back, the table already covered with snacks and drinks. Real bottles of beer, warm gyoza, and steaming bowls of soup. 

The woman left them, and Hannibal all but flopped into a seat, looking like he owned the place. Which he probably did. 

“You dragged me out of the Shatterdome for immoral offers and a fancy dinner?” Newt asked incredulously. 

Hannibal grinned as he took a swing of the cold beer. “I took you out for dinner. The immoral offers come later.” 

\--

After that it became a pattern. He wouldn’t know when Hannibal would appear but every few days he’d walk into the lab and find Hannibal, usually already in conversation with Hermann who refused to explain what they could possibly talk about. He’d then sneak Newt out of the Shatterdome and into the city, where they would have dinner, or just drinks, and talk about Newt’s project. Though it was only ever Newt talking and Hannibal nodding like he had any idea what Newt was on about. They’d explore the city together, even going to the few surviving museums or to clubs Hannibal owned. And somewhere in the very late night (or very early morning) Hannibal would return Newt to the base. 

Of course he told Hermann everything, about the offer and about their excursions, but Hermann didn’t seem that bothered by any of it. “Oh, it’s foolish, of course, but I don’t trust you to make a working Kaiju. And besides, I get more work done when you’re gone.” 

Newt had scoffed, kissing Hermann wetly on the cheek. “You know you miss me.” 

“That doesn’t stop me from wanting to get work done.” 

And with that simple admission Newt was walking on air. 

But it wasn’t just the dinners, and the clubs, and the walks around the city. Hannibal was almost…affectionate with him. He’d clap him on the back with that giant hand, or hold his shoulder as they navigated through the thick crowds. He’d stop talking to brush food off Newt’s chin with his thumb. He’d plaster Newt to his side in the clubs when people gave him a second look. 

It was impossible. 

It was improbable. 

It was unlikely. 

“I think Hannibal Chau is flirting with me.” He finally said while having dinner with Hermann in their lab. 

“What gave it away? He’s not very subtle.” 

Newt almost choked on his noodles. Without asking Hermann pushed a glass of water into his hand but otherwise didn’t respond to his husband's choking. When Newt finally recovered, having drained the whole glass, he glared. “What are you talking about?” 

“He’s been flirting with you since he first appeared. I’d have thought it was obvious. All the gifts and dinners. And you must notice he’s always touching you.” Hermann rolled his eyes. “He’s positively smitten.” 

“That’s impossible! That’s…no, no, no. You’re wrong. You’re always wrong but this time you’re super wrong. It’s kind of amazing how wrong you are.” 

Hermann let him ramble for a whole minute. Probably trying to tire him out, the tricky bastard. “I know for a fact he’s flirting with you because he’s told me. What do you think we could possibly have in common to talk about besides you?” 

“You…and Hannibal…talk about me?” 

“Well that and sometimes gardening. Apparently he has a roof garden that's doing very well.” 

There were a few times that Newt’s world flipped upside down. When giant monsters emerged from the ocean. When he drifted with one of said monsters to help save the world. And when he found out his husband and a notorious gangster were garden buddies. 

“Wait…are you okay with him flirting with me?”

Hermann shrugged, which really wasn’t a proper answer. 

“Seriously, this should bother you.” 

“Why should it? Despite your many flaws you have the capacity for so much love. Why limit it to one person? Also, I know you want to fuck him.” 

“He would fuck me and we both know it.” Newt hissed before hiding his face in his hands. “Hermann, buddy, love of my life, please you can’t tease me with this. Are you okay with me and Hannibal…I guess it would be dating?”

“Newton, I hate to be the barer of bad news, but I think you’re already dating. The question is if you’ll continue it now that you’ve realized.” He sighed, taking Newt’s hand into his own. “But yes, I’m more than alright with it. I’m encouraging it.” 

And with that he leaned over as much as he could, letting Newt meet him halfway for a kiss. It was soft and quick, mostly because the way they were sitting didn’t allow for much more. 

“Okay cool, it’s official. I’m going to seduce Hannibal.” Newt declared, clenching the hand that wasn’t holding Hermann’s into a fist.

“I’m fairly certain he’s beat you to that.” 

“Shuddup.” 

\--

The problem was Newt didn’t know jack or crap about seducing people. Sure, he’d dated before joining the Defense Corps, mostly other grad students who would take any excuse to get away from their studies. Back then he didn’t have to be on top of his seduction game. Instead he just had to be available for midnight excursions to the nearest 24 hour store. After that he had ended up in Shatterdomes where dating wasn’t encouraged. Oh, it happened and it happened a lot. Just not to the scientist up to his arm in Kaiju guts. Really that he’d gotten Hermann to agree to marry him was still something of a cosmic fluke. 

So no, he didn’t know how to seduce Hannibal freaking Chau, but he knew he was going to do it. Because when Newton Geiszler put his mind to something it happened. He had put his mind to drifting with a Kaiju and that had happened. True, he’d almost died, but it had still happened. 

And yes he may have begged Hermann into helping him. Mostly with picking out his outfit, and letting him know the next time Hannibal would be stopping by since the asshole still didn’t tell Newt ahead of time. 

So a whole two months after Hannibal returned to his life Newt was ready. He had his tightest pair of pants on (so tight even Hermann “the human body is disgusting” Gottlieb stopped to stare) and a black button up shirt, ready for unbuttoning at a moment’s notice. He looked, frankly, amazing. And when Hannibal strolled into the lab like he owned the place Newt was already poised and ready, sprawled against Hermann’s desk. 

“Hey there.” He said, just a little breathless. Which may have been the pants if he was being honest. 

Hermann sighed from behind him. “Please, take him away. I have actual work to do.” 

Hannibal chuckled, throwing an arm over Newt’s shoulder and pulling him away from the desk. “Before I forget, dried you some tea leaves.” 

He dropped a canvas bag onto the desk and the smell of mint and ginger wafted to Newt’s nose. There was even a metal tea strainer attached to the bag with a ribbon. 

Damn Hannibal was good. 

“C’mon kid, we’ve got those prototypes ready for you to go over.” And like that he was being pulled away and he could positively feel his control on the situation slipping away. 

That’s fine, Newt was a master of adaptation. 

Except he totally wasn’t, and like a chump he found himself back in the same position of marveling while Hannibal lead him back to his office in Hong Kong. It didn’t help that on his list of things to do “clone Kaiju parts” was immediately under “seduce Hannibal Chau.” 

So for an hour or so his plan was put on hold while he danced giddily around the Kaiju parts and the different machines Hannibal had procured for him. He had basically designed a system to print the building blocks that would grow into viable tissue and organs. And eventually he had a small cluster of cells, glowing that signature Kaiju blue and looking like a dream in a petri dish. 

“So now we just let it grow and see how it’s looking in the morning.” Newt crowed, having just finished a twenty minute explanation of what he was going while Hannibal feigned interest. They had retired to his office, a gorgeous room in dark black and reds. Hannibal had his feet up on the dark mahogany desk, his newest shoes glistening under the lamp light. He said they were made of Kaiju leather, but Newt suspected he was messing with him. 

“Cheers. Suppose that means you’ll be staying the night?” Hannibal asked. He had uncapped two bottles of Japanese beer, offering the second to Newt. And like that the original plan was back in action. 

Coyly, or as coyly as he could manage, Newt took the bottle. He leaned closer than was strictly necessary, running the risk of falling right onto Hannibal. “Thanks. You’ve been so good to me recently. Have I thanked you yet?” 

Even under his sunglasses Newt could see his eyebrow lift. “No, don’t suppose you have.” 

“I really should. So you know, thanks.” He tapped his beer against Hannibal’s, which threatened to knock it out of his hand for as loose as he was holding it. 

For a moment there was no reaction, and then deep, deep laughter. He even took off his sunglasses, and without them Newt could see the unguarded mirth. “The good doctor finally rat me out?” 

Newt jerked back like he’d been shocked. “I can figure stuff out on my own!” 

He waited, still grinning. 

“Hermann may have confirmed some of my earlier suspicions.” Newt whined. “Which by the way, it’s super weird that you basically used my husband as a wing man.” 

“Nah, not weird at all.” Hannibal said. He caught his finger through Newt’s belt loop, pulling him closer. “It’s only weird if you make it weird. Not that I’m opposed to weird.” 

Newt allowed himself to be pulled forward, catching himself on Hannibal’s shoulders to keep from falling right into his lap. “So, you said something about me staying the night. Got a bed for me or am I bunking with the minions.” 

And with an honest to god growl Hannibal pulled him into his lap, his hand holding him in place and sending shivers down his spine. His other hand reached around them, slamming at a button on the desk that activated some kind of communication system. 

“Fang, I’m officially unavailable. I don’t care if the Kaiju come back, anyone bothers me and they get a bullet between the eyes.” When he growled it was right next to Newt’s ear and he could feel it in his bones. 

“Of course sir.” Fang replied, and Newt bristled when he realized she had probably just refused to speak English when she came to get the shoe out of not wanting to talk to him, because of course one of Hannibal's little goons would pull something like that. But then the speaker clicked off and the hand around his waist dropped to his ass and he forgot about everything else but that hand. 

“Really made me wait, didn’t you pretty boy?” Hannibal hissed right into his ear. A needy whimper sounded and Newt realized after a second that was from him. 

“All good things to those who wait?” He said with a weak chuckle. 

With ease Hannibal lifted him onto the desk, looming over him in the best kind of way. “We’ll see about that, won’t we?” 

And yes, it was certainly worth the wait. 

\--

To an outside observer, everything in Newton Geiszler’s life was something of a joke. From marrying Hermann Gottlieb in the middle of a crowded cafeteria to dating a notorious gangster with taste more outrageous than even his, it all seemed like the set up for a joke. 

But it wasn’t a joke. It was real. 

And somehow he managed to find a real home, a real balance between those jokes. He found himself in the cafeteria, laughing with the mechanics over his newest inventions that he’d made out of trash. He found himself looking forward to the cards from Mako and Raleigh, who had finally taken a vacation to Anchorage but still found time to congratulate him on his anniversary. He found himself having nights out with Hannibal, who would show him off to the world while still holding him close with a protective arm. He found himself sleeping in the same bed as Hermann who held his hand through the night. 

But his favorite times, those times that lingered between something real and a joke, was when he found himself frozen at the sight of his husband and his boyfriend chatting over tea like best friends. 

“For my birthday I want to see the two of you kiss.” He said the third time it happened, when Hannibal had surprised them both with a new cane for Hermann after his old one had started warping. Hermann had been so surprised, so pleased, and it made Newt’s stomach tighten with a familiar nervousness. 

Hermann merely sighed, while Hannibal laughed, deep and happy. “We gotta wait that long, pal?” 

“I suppose we must. A shame, I was considering letting him start making a move, but if you insist, Newton-“ 

“Don’t move, I’m getting a camera!” Newt yelled, running out the door and back towards their room. 

And behind him he swore he could feel Hermann’s fond irritation and Hannibal’s enthusiastic amusement. 

Yes, it may have started as a joke, but now it was real. And it was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And they lived happily ever after. I mean, probably. With the combined powers of Hermann and Hannibal there's no way Uprising happened. That's my headcanon and I'm sticking to it. Thank you to everyone who's taken some time to read this sappy little story! I really appreciate it. And thank you again to Xenjn for encouraging said sappy little story!


End file.
